Nothing Stays the Same

From the scenic harbor, as I ate my lunch, I realized that my journey back in time was a bit laughable. What did I, the queen of change, expect. The earthquake of 1989 had left the buildings of downtown Santa Cruz a shambles and some of the roads piles of dirt. In 1993, when I left, the repairs had only just begun. Walking the downtown streets, scanning the shops and the bookstore shelves that were once familiar, I realized that everything changes, I changed and as the old clique goes… “the only thing that is constant is change (Heraclitus).”

I drove down the scenic coastal highway from San Francisco to Santa Cruz just a week ago, anxious to reclaim a piece of my past. I had not been in California since I packed up my car with my two kids and headed back to Pennsylvania, the place I ran from, and the place I called home! The streets seemed different and I couldn’t find some of the places I lived or worked. I was both shocked and amazed that as I wandered around town nothing seemed the same. I remembered very little of this beautiful seaside town. The eight years I spent in California were a significant time in my life and now a blur.

Sometimes I long for the past; the way I thought things were, or the way I hope they would or could be. Yet, that type of thinking can stifle the beauty of what is here right now. The ride down the California coast was as majestic as the old folk songs proclaim. I was in the moment as I soaked in the beauty of the vast ocean and gigantic rocks. I thought about my work as we drove down this scenic trail.

I am back at my morning table reading and reflecting this Saturday. The view from the big window - trees with the early blooms of spring, a pale blue sky and the Kittatinny Mountain Ridge stretched out as the sun rises.  I sit in the same place most mornings, the view is rarely the same, yet it is always stunning. In the quiet of the morning I know I do not need to go back to California to reclaim a past that shaped me, I do not need to visit my childhood home, or the home where I raised my children. I am happy right here as the view changes and the sun comes up, right before my eyes. I will finish my cup of coffee and move on.

Striving to live in a way that models inclusion and cheerfulness is important to me these days, because change is hard, and the fear that we all have is that we will get left behind as the winds of change blow. Will we have a job? A Friend? A Partner in Life? Will our children visit us when we become old? My dream these days, as I work with others, is to use my talents to help make schools and the world a safe place, a joyful place, a hopeful place, where everyone can try to reach their full potential. I may never really make a significant change, one that gets noticed by the whole world, but I hope that I can add value, some small nugget, that brings hope and beauty to the people I meet and to the dreams we all hold!