Courage at School

Some days are more difficult than others. Sometimes hard days roll into one another. On these days none of the literature about social and emotional intelligence makes sense in isolation at a school (or home or office). The buzz of one person’s bad day crashing into another. One broken heart spilling its pain out in the room. Today, nothing seemed like it was going to work. It didn't seem like Listening and Being Empathetic was going to get a chance to show up. One Habit of Mind* at a time perhaps? Or, frame the circle with with Parker Palmer’s “Touchstones”**? Or invite the Arab proverb of checking your words; are they kind, necessary or true? Maybe, allow the silence to call the good and kind into each of us?

I wrote about persistence the other day. The stick to-it-tivness that helps us hang in when times are tough. Why do we have it for something’s and not others? Why can I persist on one day, but not the next? And, if I can’t do it, how can I expect it from a kid? I felt at a loss for words as we sat together and tried to figure out why really good people hurt each other. We had tears and hard conversations. We had affirmations and frowns. We were frustrated and upset. We listed possible ways to avoid the painful actions, recognizing that we mostly hurt each other un-intentionally. We listed words that make us sad and situations that we might want to avoid. We swirled in doubt and hope wondering if we would rise up or fall apart.

 

It seemed to end well as we gardened together, the dirt and sun washing us with grace. Our guest gardener shared bread and jam that was sweet and kind. Wondering, now, if the hard work of today can become empathy tomorrow? Will our empathy continue to grow, like our persistence, as we continue to show up when it is hard? Because this is really hard. Some days I think we all feel tired and lost. I am proud of the young people who sat in our circle, they stuck with it when it was tough. They didn’t walk away when they were faced with the truth that they hurt other peoples feelings. They were careful when they told each other how they felt. They were courageous. It was not easy to sit in a room and face the truth that we all hurt each other sometimes. And I know the teachers, parents and volunteers who show up each day are modeling this persistence. I know that they are kind when times are hard, when it would be easier to stay home. And, I feel hope. I believe that these days when we persist through the messiness of living we are creating a better world.

 

I am proud of our community. I am hopeful that so many people believe that there is a better way. That we all show up with courage and the hope that school can be a place to bring our whole selves. I have hope for the School at Kirkridge.

*Arthur L. Costa and Bena Kallick, Habits of Mind: A Developmental Series, Copyright © 2000

**Center for Courage & Renewal, founded by Parker J. Palmer©.